Clueless-co.com

I knw its been very late on my part to write a story …but then better late than never..its a long one but defiently worth reading.. 

Its my turn for a story: Train - Ticket…… so it goes on like this: 

Train - A ticket to healthiwood (Based on a true story)

( please play the background music “ticket to hollywood” at the back of your minds. :) 

Well its a story about a character Mr Murali Krishna from Hyderabad. He moved to mumbai for a project. He travelled to office by the local train.( Back ground  Music: Shola hai yah hai Bijuria….  

One day when travelling to office….he was lost in thoughts..

Why am I like this? Why have i lost my health.. I am not healthy as before.. I could not even climb the Sinhagad fort in Pune with Vivina and Satish..wats happening to me ..my stamina my health..  

When he was so lost in thoughts… he saw a peice of paper on the seat opposite to him.. He first thought it was a ticket…but then on a closer look he saw it had an address.. At first he ignored it..but then later driven by his intuition or sixth sense or non sense or whatever.. he decided to visit the place..

So he visits the address and lo! whom does he find?? 

Its again another Murali… Its Murali Prasad Sharma or rather Munaa Bhai M.B.B.S

(Song: M bole tho…..) 

Munna Bhai: Hey Bhai kaisa hai..lagtha hai tabiyat teek nahin hain tera.. problem kya hai?

Murali : Kuch bada problem nahin hai..but thode dino se paet mein dard ho raha hai.

 Munna Bhai does some check up and tests to find out the problem. 

Munna Bhai:  Bhai tereko pet mein kuch gafla.. bole tho.. tuppanko Stonosarchoma hai..

Murali: Stonosarchoma! woh kya hai?? Maine Lymposarchoma suna hai ..Anand Movie mein..uska spelling or pronunciation  bhi seekha Vivina se… but yeah stono..sachoma kya hai 

Munna Bhai: Hey cheeky, Dont get freaky..Zyaada tension wali baat nahin hai..its just having some stones in the intestine. Medicines time pe lena or zyaada pani peena 

Murali: Teek hai…paani tho nahin lekin pein Cola peetha hoon.. Same difference  hain na.. 

Munna Bhai: Arrey Bhai..Cola ko Goli maaro or zyaada pani piyo..Mere baat mano or hatta khatta raho.

 Munna Bhai gives some medicines and murali leaves,.

 Now this character Murali is a typical Bollywood hero character.. A very good human being,,.with lots of respobsibilties.. aged parents and blah blah blah

He does not take care of himself properly and neither does he tell to his parents of his sickness..lest he shud make them more worried with his new ailment,…And not only that  he sometimes ignore medicines , takes injections to kill tempraoary pain and still consumes colas..

 Well if you think the story is a bit serious.. you can have a item song by Jigna Jain - Maiya Yashoda…

 Well the story is over from my side..but its not the end  Its just the beginning.

 How it ends is on you guys..  The end of the story is to make our bimaar frnd Murali alright. He has to get well soon. Well you all know that he consumes on an average of600ml of cola on weekdays and when we are on trips it goes on to one litre or  more. Thanks to the pesticides in Indian cola …such excessive consumption is not good  for health..Murali, we are not against consumption of cola …but just the excess of it. Less of water consumption is not good fr your stomach. If you still want to contribute to income of our cricketers..you can buy the colas and send it to us..we wud use it to clean toilets and wash basins…or  if your purpose is to drink something cool.. then you can have lassi. lemon soda, rose milk… juices.. right frnds?? and if you dont get them.. you can think about the coolest guys and gals of clueless and co…and chill ur self!! What say guys??

 So next time you meet or mail or message Murali.. Add a message of Get Well Soon!! Preethi I think can add a message of get well soon in the forwards you send..

Ram and others at his office.. can greet him with get well soon insted of Hi..or bye or watever.,

 Every message of Get well soon will also give u a free consultation on health problems from me..you must have heard of yoga for remedies..well i can provide some solutions. You have heard of Baba Ramdev, Now its time to hear from Babi Vivina..or may be Barbie Vivina

 And thats not all , the person sending maximum messages would get a suprise gift..And wats the prize.. The prize I would get from Smitha and Vjay for this story **

 Well its time to end my long mail..

Murali: Get Well Soon

Others and Murali: Have fun, more fun and lots of fun

Cheers

Vivina.

** Conditions Apply

1. IF i like the gift I would keep it fr myself

2. If the gift is kept by me, then a sponsor shud be available for the prize

A professor stood before his Philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous “yes.”
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.
“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
“The golf balls are the important things - your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
“The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.
“The sand is everything else–the small stuff.
“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
“The same goes for life.
“If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
“Take time to get medical checkups.
“Take your partner out to dinner.
“Play another 18.
“There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
“Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.
“Set your priorities.
“The rest is just sand.”
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked.
“It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a cup of coffee/coke/mug of beer/ with a friend.” J
Please share this with someone you care about.
I JUST DID. 

1.”We will do it” means” You will do it”

2.”You have done a great job” means”  More work will be given to you”

3.”We are  working on it” means” We have not yet started working it”

4.” Tomorrow  first thing in the morning” means” Its not getting done  ,At least not till tomorrow!”.

5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means” I have already decided, I will tell you what to do.

6.”There was a  slight miscommunication” means” We lied”

7.”Lets  call a meeting and discuss” means” I have no time to talk now”

8.”We can  always do it” means” We cannot do it on time”

9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension  of the deadline” means “We screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”

10.”We had slight differences of opinion “means” We  fought”

11.”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help  you”

means” find a way out yourself, no help from me”

12.”You should have told me earlier” means” Well even if you told me earlier that would not have mattered!”

13.”We need to  find out the real reason” means” I will tell you where your fault is”

14.”Well Family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,” means,” You are not going home unless you finish your job”

15.”We are a team,” means,” Everybody shares the blame”

16.”That’s actually a good  question” means “I do not know anything about it”

17.”All the Best” means” You are in  trouble”

Disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”

The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters…
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… Totally exhausted and panting. Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place”

“That should have worked,” said the friend.

The salesman replied, ” Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn’t realize that Arabs Read from Right to Left…”

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID
SO MUCH…… FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE.

TAKE A LOOK:

1 ) Tech Support : “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer : “Ok.”
Tech Support : “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”
Customer : “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”

—————————————-

2) Customer : “I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.”
Tech Support : “Did you install the update?”
Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”

————————————————–

3)Customer : “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support : “Tell me what you’ve done.”
Customer : “I typed ‘A: SETUP’.”
Tech Support : “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.”
Customer : “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support : “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”
Customer : “What?”
Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?”
Customer: “No…”

————————————————–

4).Customer : “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)

————————————————–

5).Tech Support : “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer : “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”

Tech support : ##### ***

————————————————–

6) Tech Support : “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer : “A white one.”
Tech support : ******_____####

————————————————–

7). Tech Support : “What operating system are you running?”

Customer : “Pentium.”

Tech support : ////—–+++
————————————————–

8). Customer : “My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”
Tech support : ??????

————————————————–

9).Cus tomer : “I have Microsoft Exploder.”

Tech Support : ?!%#$
————————————————–

10).Customer : “How do I print my voicemail?”

Tech support : ??????

————————————————–

11). Customer : “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to
print document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”

Tech Support : “What does it say?”

Customer : “Something about an error and non-system disk.”

Tech Support : “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”

Customer : “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”

Tech support : @@@@@
————————————————–

12). Tech Support: “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24 hours.”

Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”

————————————————–

13). Tech Support : “What does the screen say now?”

Customer : “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”

Tech Support : “Well?”

Customer : “How do I know when it’s ready?”

Tech support : *** —- ++++
————————————————–

The best of the lot

14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What’s the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: (keep quite)

Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

Tech support:: 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech support::(hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the
CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User : It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User : MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech : That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t
come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file.
Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User : I need a new power supply.

Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?

Tech support : (hush hush)

User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said,
and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.

————————————————-

Hight Of all (Too Good)

15) customer care officer : I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in
finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find ‘My Computer’?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

National News

 1. President Sonia Gandhi and Prime Minister Priyanka Gandhi visit Italy to meet Italian president Rahul Gandhi.

2. Reservations for OBCs in private sector increased to 68p.c

3. Petrol prices come down. 1 litre Rs. 1043/- only.

Entertainment news

1. Dhoom-19 ready for release.

2. Karan johar’s “Kabhie apne Kabhie paraaye” running well in A-grade theatres.

3. Salman Khan, Vivek Oberoi, Abhishek Bacchan attend Aishwarya’s 6th wedding.

4. KBC-beesvi starts with Abhishek Bacchan as the host

5. Star plus starts its new serial “Kyunki bahu bhi kabhi saans banegi”.

Sports news

1. I’ll play the coming world cup - Sachin 

2. Sachin should now think of retiring gracefully – Sourav

3. Sachin still has 2-3 years of game left in him – Sunil Gavaskar

4. We’ve a good team, we’ll win the 2031 WC – Coach Dravid

Regional news

1. Inkoka 1 year lo Telangana otchudo nenu chatchudo – KCR

2. Acting maa raktham lo undhi – Jr Chiranjeevi

John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital.

One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool.
David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act..
He immediately order David to be discharged from the Mental Hospital as he is OK.

Doctor: We have good news and bad news for you, David.
The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person.
The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died.

David: Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry !

F A M I L Y

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,
“Oh excuse me please” was my reply.

He said, “Please excuse me too;
I wasn’t watching for you.”

We were very polite, this stranger and I.
We went on our way and we said goodbye.

But at home a different story is told,
How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,
My son stood beside me very still.

When I turned, I nearly knocked him down.
“Move out of the way,” I said with a frown.

He walked away, his little heart broken.
I didn’t realize how harshly I’d spoken.

While I lay awake in bed,
God’s still small voice came to me and said,

“While dealing with a stranger,
common courtesy you use,
but the family you love, you seem to abuse.

Go and look on the kitchen floor,
You’ll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers he brought for you.
He picked them himself: pink, yellow and blue.

He stood very quietly not to spoil the surprise,
you never saw the tears that filled his little eyes.”

By this time, I felt very small,
And now my tears began to fall.

I quietly went and knelt by his bed;
“Wake up, little one, wake up,” I said.

“Are these the flowers you picked for me?”
He smiled, “I found ‘em, out by the tree.

I picked ‘em because they’re pretty like you.
I knew you’d like ‘em, especially the blue.”

I said, “Son, I’m very sorry for the way I acted today;
I shouldn’t have yelled at you that way.”
He said, “Oh, Mom, that’s okay.
I love you anyway.”

I said, “Son, I love you too,
and I do like the flowers, especially the blue.”

FAMILY
Are you aware that if we died tomorrow, the company
that we are working for could easily replace us in
a matter of days.
But the family we left behind will feel the loss
for the rest of their lives.

And come to think of it, we pour ourselves more
into work than into our own family,
an unwise investment indeed,
don’t you think?
So what is behind the story?

Do you know what the word FAMILY means?
FAMILY = (F)ATHER (A)ND (M)OTHER (I) (L)OVE (Y)OU

The Statue of Liberty’s index finger is eight feet long

Bone is five times stronger than steel.

Gone are the days When
The school reopened in June,
And we settled in our new desks and benches!

When we queued up in book depot,
And got our new books and notes!

When we wanted two Sundays and no Mondays,
Yet managed to line up daily for the morning prayers.

We learnt writing with slates and pencils, and Progressed To fountain pens and ball pens and then Micro tips!

When we began drawing with crayons and evolved to Color pencils and finally sketch pens!

When we started calculating
first with tables and then with Clarke’s tables and advanced to Calculators and computers!

When we chased one another in the corridors in Intervals, and returned to the classrooms
Drenched in sweat!

When we had lunch in classrooms, corridors,
Playgrounds, under the trees and even in cycle sheds!

When all the colors in the world,
Decorated the campus on the Second Saturdays!

When a single P.T. period in the week’s Time Table, Was awaited more eagerly than the monsoons!

When cricket was played with writing pads as bats,
And Neckties and socks rolled into balls!

When few played
“kabadi” and “Kho-Kho” in scorching sun,
While others simply played “book cricket” in the Confines of classroom!

Of fights but no conspiracies,
Of Competitions but seldom jealousy!

When we used to watch Live Cricket telecast,
In the opposite house in Intervals and Lunch breaks!

When few rushed at 3:45 to “Conquer” window seats in our School bus!
While few others had “Big Fun”, “peppermint”,
“kulfi”, ” milk ice !” and “sharbat !” at 4o Clock!
Gone are the days
Of Sports Day,
and the annual School Day ,
And the one-month long
preparations for them.
Gone are the days
Of the stressful Quarterly,
Half Yearly and Annual Exams, And the most
enjoyed holidays after them!
Gone are the days
Of tenth and twelfth standards, when
We Spent almost the whole year writing revision tests!

We learnt,
We enjoyed,
We played,
We won,
We lost,
We laughed,
We cried,
We fought,
We thought.
With so much fun in them, so many friends,
So much experience, all this and more!

Gone are the days
When we used to talk for hours with our friends!
Now we don’t have time to say a ‘Hi’!

Gone are the days
When we played games on the road!
Now we Code on the road with laptop!

Gone are the days
When we saw stars Shining at Night!
Now we see stars when our code doesn’t Work!

Gone are the days
When we sat to chat with Friends on grounds!
Now we chat in chat rooms…..!

Gone are the days
Where we studied just to pass!
Now we study to save our job!

Gone are the days
Where we had no money in our pockets and still fun filled on our hearts!!
Now we have the atm as well as credit card but with an empty heart!!

Gone are the days
Where we shouted on the road!
Now we don’t shout even at home

Gone are the days
Where we got lectures from all!
Now we give lectures to all… like the one I’m doing now….!!

Gone are the days
But not the memories, which will be
Lingering in our hearts for ever and ever and

Ever and ever and ever…..
Gone are the Days…. But still there are lot more Days to come in our Life!!

NO MATTER HOW BUSY YOU ARE,
DONT FORGET TO
LIVE THE LIFE THAT STILL…… ….