Clueless-co.com

Published by uttishthata July 6th, 2007 in APJ Abdul Kalam

The President of India DR. A. P. J. Abdul Kalam ’s Speech in Hyderabad .
Why is the media here so negative?
Why are we in India so embarrassed to recognize our own strengths, our achievements?
We are such a great nation. We have so many amazing success stories but we refuse to acknowledge them. Why?
We are the first in milk production.
We are number one in Remote sensing satellites.
We are the second largest producer of wheat.
We are the second largest producer of rice.
Look at Dr. Sudarshan , he has transferred the tribal village into a self-sustaining, self-driving unit. There are millions of such achievements but our media is only obsessed in the bad news and failures and disasters.
I was in Tel Aviv once and I was reading the Israeli newspaper. It was the day after a lot of attacks and bombardments and deaths had taken place. The Hamas had struck. But the front page of the newspaper had the picture of a Jewish gentleman who in five years had transformed his desert into an orchid and a granary. It was this inspiring picture that everyone woke up to. The gory details of killings, bombardments, deaths, were inside in the newspaper, buried among other news.
In India we only read about death, sickness, terrorism, crime.. Why are we so NEGATIVE? Another question: Why are we, as a nation so obsessed with foreign things? We want foreign T.Vs, we want foreign shirts. We want foreign technology.
Why this obsession with everything imported. Do we not realize that self-respect comes with self-reliance? I was in Hyderabad giving this lecture, when a 14 year old girl asked me for my autograph. I asked her what her goal in life is. She replied: I want to live in a developed India . For her, you and I will have to build this developed India . You must proclaim. India is not an under-developed nation; it is a highly developed nation.
Do you have 10 minutes? Allow me to come back with a vengeance.
Got 10 minutes for your country? If yes, then read; otherwise, choice is yours.
YOU say that our government is inefficient.
YOU say that our laws are too old.
YOU say that the municipality does not pick up the garbage.
YOU say that the phones don’t work, the railways are a joke. The airline is the worst in the world, mails never reach their destination.
YOU say that our country has been fed to the dogs and is the absolute pits.
YOU say, say and say. What do YOU do about it?
Take a person on his way to Singapore. Give him a name - ‘YOURS’. Give him a face - ‘YOURS’. YOU walk out of the airport and you are at your International best. In Singapore you don’t throw cigarette butts on the roads or eat in the stores. YOU are as proud of their Underground links as they are. You pay $5 (approx. Rs. 60) to drive through Orchard Road (equivalent of Mahim Causeway or Pedder Road) between 5 PM and 8 PM. YOU come back to the parking lot to punch your parking ticket if you have over stayed in a restaurant or a shopping mall irrespective of your status identity… In Singapore you don’t say anything, DO YOU? YOU wouldn’t dare to eat in public during Ramadan, in Dubai . YOU would not dare to go out without your head covered in Jeddah.
YOU would not dare to buy an employee of the telephone exchange in London at 10 pounds (Rs.650) a month to, ’see to it that my STD and ISD calls are billed to someone else.’YOU would not dare to speed beyond 55 mph (88 km/h) in Washington and then tell the traffic cop, ‘Jaanta hai main kaun hoon (Do you know who I am?). I am so and so’s son. Take your two bucks and get lost.’ YOU wouldn’t chuck an empty coconut shell anywhere other than the garbage pail on the beaches in Australia and New Zealand .
Why don’t YOU spit Paan on the streets of Tokyo? Why don’t YOU use examination jockeys or buy fake certificates in Boston??? We are still talking of the same YOU. YOU who can respect and conform to a foreign system in other countries but cannot in your own. You who will throw papers and cigarettes on the road the moment you touch Indian ground. If you can be an involved and appreciative citizen in an alien country, why cannot you be the same here in India?
Once in an interview, the famous Ex-municipal commissioner of Bombay, Mr. Tinaikar, had a point to make. ‘Rich people’s dogs are walked on the streets to leave their affluent droppings all over the place,’ he said. ‘And then the same people turn around to criticize and blame the authorities for inefficiency and dirty pavements. What do they expect the officers to do? Go down with a broom every time their dog feels the pressure in his bowels?
In America every dog owner has to clean up after his pet has done the job. Same in Japan.
Will the Indian citizen do that here?’ He’s right. We go to the polls to choose a government and after that forfeit all responsibility.
We sit back wanting to be pampered and expect the government to do everything for us whilst our contribution is totally negative. We expect the government to clean up but we are not going to stop chucking garbage all over the place nor are we going to stop to pick a up a stray piece of paper and throw it in the bin. We expect the railways to provide clean bathrooms but we are not going to learn the proper use of bathrooms.
We want Indian Airlines and Air India to provide the best of food and toiletries but we are not going to stop pilfering at the least opportunity.
This applies even to the staff who is known not to pass on the service to the public.
When it comes to burning social issues like those related to women, dowry, girl child! and others, we make loud drawing room protestations and continue to do the reverse at home. Our excuse? ‘It’s the whole system which has to change, how will it matter if I alone forego my sons’ rights to a dowry.’ So who’s going to change the system?
What does a system consist of? Very conveniently for us it consists of our neighbours, other households, other cities, other communities and the government. But definitely not me and YOU. When it comes to us actually making a positive contribution to the system we lock ourselves along with our families into a safe cocoon and look into the distance at countries far away and wait for a Mr.Clean to come along & work miracles for us with a majestic sweep of his hand or we leave the country and run away.
Like lazy cowards hounded by our fears we run to America to bask in their glory and praise their system. When New York becomes insecure we run to England . When England experiences unemployment, we take the next flight out to the Gulf. When the Gulf is war struck, we demand to be rescued and brought home by the Indian government. Everybody is out to abuse and rape the country. Nobody thinks of feeding the system. Our conscience is mortgaged to money.
Dear Indians, The article is highly thought inductive, calls for a great deal of introspection and pricks one’s conscience too…. I am echoing J. F. Kennedy’s words to his fellow Americans to relate to Indians…..
‘ASK WHAT WE CAN DO FOR INDIA AND DO WHAT HAS TO BE DONE TO MAKE INDIA WHAT AMERICA AND OTHER WESTERN COUNTRIES ARE TODAY’
Lets do what India needs from us.
Forward this mail to each Indian for a change instead of sending Jokes or junk mails.
Thank you,
Dr. Abdul Kalam

I humbly request you to forward this to every Indian…… ……… ……… …

• Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.
• Having one child makes you a parent; have two … you are a referee.
• Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!
  
• I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.
• A child’s greatest period of growth is the month after you’ve purchased new school uniforms.
• Don’t feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.
• Don’t marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without, but whatever you do, you’ll regret it later.
• You can’t buy love, but you pay heavily for it.
• Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.
• Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.
• Marriage is give and take. You’d better give it to her or she’ll take it anyway.
• My wife and I always compromise. I admit I’m wrong and she agrees with me.
• Those who can’t laugh at themselves leave the job to others.
• Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.
• A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
• You’re getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.
• It doesn’t matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.
• Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address books.
• Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.
• Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something
• They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!
• Man: Is there any way for long life? Dr: Get married. Man: Will it help? Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.
• Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It’s a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!
• Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do? Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
• There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.
• There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbour has it.

Cheers !

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and challenged us to get to know someone we didn’t already know. I stood up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.
I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire being.
She said, “Hi handsome. My name is Rose. I’m eighty-seven years old. Can I give you a hug?”
I laughed and enthusiastically responded, “Of course you may!” and she gave me a giant squeeze.
“Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?” I asked.
She jokingly replied, “I’m here to meet a rich husband, get married, and have a couple of kids…”
“No seriously,” I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.
“I always dreamed of having a college education and now I’m getting one!” she told me.
After class we walked to the student union building and shared a chocolate milkshake.
We became instant friends. Every day for the next three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening to this “time machine” as she shared her wisdom and experience with me.
Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was living it up..
At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football banquet. I’ll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped her three by five cards on the floor.
Frustrated and a little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said, “I’m sorry I’m so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me! I’ll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell you what I know.”
As we laughed she cleared her throat and began, “We do not stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing.
There are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving success.
You have to laugh and find humor every day.
You’ve got to have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die.
We have so many people walking around who are dead and don’t even know it!
There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up.
If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don’t do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am eighty -seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.
Anybody can grow older. That doesn’t take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding opportunity in change. Have no regrets.
The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear death are those with regrets.”
She concluded her speech by courageously singing “The Rose”
She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our daily lives. At the year’s end Rose finished the college degree she had begun all those years ago.
One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.
Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that it’s never too late to be all you can possibly be.
When you finish reading this, please send this peaceful word of advice to your friends and family, they’ll really enjoy it!
These words have been passed along in loving memory of ROSE.
REMEMBER, GROWING OLDER IS MANDATORY.
GROWING UP IS OPTIONAL.

We make a Living by what we get,
We make a Life by what we give.

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
“Good friends are like stars………You don’t always see them, but you know they are always there.

—
” COURAGE TO KNOW “.

1.If all the nations in the world are in debt(am not
joking. even US has got debts), where did all the money go? (weird)
2.When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests
it? (to be given a thought)
3.What is the speed of darkness? (absurd)
4.If the “black box” flight recorder is never damaged
during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that
stuff? (very good thinking)
5.Who copyrighted the copyright symbol? (who knows)
6.Can you cry under water? (let me try)
7.Why do people say, “you’ve been working like a dog”
when dogs just sit around all day? (i think they meant something
else)
8.Why are the numbers on a calculator and a phone
reversed? (God knows)
9.Do fish ever get thirsty? (let me ask and tell)
10.Can you get cornered in a round room? (by ones
eyes)
12.Why do birds not fall out of trees when they sleep?
(tonight i will stay and watch)
13.What came first, the fruit or the color orange?
(seed)
14.If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is
made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from? (No
comments)
15.What should one call a male ladybird? (No comments)
16.If a person suffered from amnesia and then was
cured would they remember that they forgot? (can somebody help )
17.Can you blow a balloon up under water? (yes u can)
18.Why is it called a “building” when it is already
built? (strange isn’t it)
19.If you were traveling at the speed of sound and you
turned on your radio would you be ! able to hear it? (got to think
scientifically)
20.If you’re traveling at the speed of light and you
turn your headlights on, what happens?  (
Einstein shud have answered this. Check out his theories of relativity !)  
21.Why is it called a TV set when theres only one?
(very nice)
22.If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all
the way down to the core of the earth? (this is nice)
23.Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at
least 130 when you legally can’t go that fast on any road? (stupid,
break the law)
24. If drink & drive is not allowed why the hell they
have parking in Bars ? ( Good Question )

A professor stood before his Philosophy class and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar.
He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous “yes.”
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand.
The students laughed.
“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
“The golf balls are the important things - your God, family, your children, your health, your friends, and your favorite passions - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
“The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, and your car.
“The sand is everything else–the small stuff.
“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
“The same goes for life.
“If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children.
“Take time to get medical checkups.
“Take your partner out to dinner.
“Play another 18.
“There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.
“Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter.
“Set your priorities.
“The rest is just sand.”
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked.
“It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a cup of coffee/coke/mug of beer/ with a friend.” J
Please share this with someone you care about.
I JUST DID. 

1.”We will do it” means” You will do it”

2.”You have done a great job” means”  More work will be given to you”

3.”We are  working on it” means” We have not yet started working it”

4.” Tomorrow  first thing in the morning” means” Its not getting done  ,At least not till tomorrow!”.

5.”After discussion we will decide-I am very open to views” means” I have already decided, I will tell you what to do.

6.”There was a  slight miscommunication” means” We lied”

7.”Lets  call a meeting and discuss” means” I have no time to talk now”

8.”We can  always do it” means” We cannot do it on time”

9.”We are on the right track but there needs to be a slight extension  of the deadline” means “We screwed up, we cannot deliver on time.”

10.”We had slight differences of opinion “means” We  fought”

11.”Make a list of the work that you do and let’s see how I can help  you”

means” find a way out yourself, no help from me”

12.”You should have told me earlier” means” Well even if you told me earlier that would not have mattered!”

13.”We need to  find out the real reason” means” I will tell you where your fault is”

14.”Well Family is important, your leave is always granted. Just ensure that the work is not affected,” means,” You are not going home unless you finish your job”

15.”We are a team,” means,” Everybody shares the blame”

16.”That’s actually a good  question” means “I do not know anything about it”

17.”All the Best” means” You are in  trouble”

Disappointed salesman of Coca Cola returns from his Middle East assignment.

A friend asked, “Why weren’t you successful with the Arabs?”

The salesman explained, “When I got posted in the Middle East, I was very confident that I will makes a good sales pitch as Cola is virtually unknown there. But, I had a problem I didn’t know to speak Arabic. So, I planned to convey the message through 3 posters…
First poster, a man crawling through the hot desert sand… Totally exhausted and panting. Second poster, the man is drinking our Cola and Third, our man is now totally refreshed. Then these posters were pasted all over the place”

“That should have worked,” said the friend.

The salesman replied, ” Well, not only did I not speak Arabic, I also didn’t realize that Arabs Read from Right to Left…”

PEOPLE WONDER WHY THE CALL CENTRE GUYS R PAID
SO MUCH…… FOR JUST BEING ON THE PHONE.

TAKE A LOOK:

1 ) Tech Support : “I need you to right-click on the Open Desktop.”
Customer : “Ok.”
Tech Support : “Did you get a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok. Right click again. Do you see a pop-up menu?”
Customer : “No.”
Tech Support : “Ok, sir. Can you tell me what you have done up until this point?”
Customer : “Sure, you told me to write ‘click’ and I wrote ‘click’.”

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2) Customer : “I received the software update you sent, but I am still getting the same error message.”
Tech Support : “Did you install the update?”
Customer: “No. Oh, am I supposed to install it to get it to work?”

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3)Customer : “I’m having trouble installing Microsoft Word.”
Tech Support : “Tell me what you’ve done.”
Customer : “I typed ‘A: SETUP’.”
Tech Support : “Ma’am, remove the disk and tell me what it says.”
Customer : “It says ‘[PC manufacturer] Restore and Recovery disk’.”
Tech Support : “Insert the MS Word setup disk.”
Customer : “What?”
Tech Support: “Did you buy MS word?”
Customer: “No…”

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4).Customer : “Do I need a computer to use your software?”
Tech Support : ?!%#$ (welll pretend to smile)

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5).Tech Support : “Ok, in the bottom left hand side of the screen, canyou see the ‘OK’ button displayed?”
Customer : “Wow. How can you see my screen from there?”

Tech support : ##### ***

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6) Tech Support : “What type of computer do you have?”
Customer : “A white one.”
Tech support : ******_____####

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7). Tech Support : “What operating system are you running?”

Customer : “Pentium.”

Tech support : ////—–+++
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8). Customer : “My computer’s telling me I performed an illegal abortion.”
Tech support : ??????

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9).Cus tomer : “I have Microsoft Exploder.”

Tech Support : ?!%#$
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10).Customer : “How do I print my voicemail?”

Tech support : ??????

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11). Customer : “You’ve got to fix my computer. I urgently need to
print document, but the computer won’t boot properly.”

Tech Support : “What does it say?”

Customer : “Something about an error and non-system disk.”

Tech Support : “Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?”

Customer : “No, but there’s a sticker saying there’s an Intel inside.”

Tech support : @@@@@
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12). Tech Support: “Just call us back if there’s a problem. We’re open 24 hours.”

Customer: “Is that Eastern time?”

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13). Tech Support : “What does the screen say now?”

Customer : “It says, ‘Hit ENTER when ready’.”

Tech Support : “Well?”

Customer : “How do I know when it’s ready?”

Tech support : *** —- ++++
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The best of the lot

14). A plain computer illiterate guy rings tech support to report that his computer is faulty.

Tech: What’s the problem?

User: There is smoke coming out of the power supply.

Tech: (keep quite)

Tech: You’ll need a new power supply.

User: No, I don’t! I just need to change the startup files.

Tech: Sir, the power supply is faulty. You’ll need to replace it.

User: No way! Someone told me that I just needed to change the startup and it will fix the
problem! All I need is for you to tell me the command.

Tech support:: 10 minutes later, the User is still adamant that he is right. The tech is frustrated and fed up.

Tech support::(hush hush)
Tech: Sorry, Sir. We don’t normally tell our customers this, but there is an undocumented DOS
command that will fix the problem.

User: I knew it!

Tech : Just add the line LOAD NOSMOKE.COM at the end of the
CONFIG.SYS. Let me know how it goes.

10 minutes later.

User : It didn’t work. The power supply is still smoking.

Tech : Well, what version of DOS are you using?

User : MS-DOS 6.22.

Tech : That’s your problem there. That version of DOS didn’t
come with NOSMOKE. Contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch that will give you the file.
Let me know how it goes.

1 hour later.

User : I need a new power supply.

Tech support : How did you come to that conclusion?

Tech support : (hush hush)

User : Well, I rang Microsoft and told him about what you said,
and he started asking questions about the make of power supply.

Tech: Then what did he say?

User: He told me that my power supply isn’t compatible with NOSMOKE.

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Hight Of all (Too Good)

15) customer care officer : I need a product identification number right now and may I help u in
finding it out?

Cust: sure

CCO: could u left click on start and do u find ‘My Computer’?

Cust: I did left click but how the hell do I find your computer?

National News

 1. President Sonia Gandhi and Prime Minister Priyanka Gandhi visit Italy to meet Italian president Rahul Gandhi.

2. Reservations for OBCs in private sector increased to 68p.c

3. Petrol prices come down. 1 litre Rs. 1043/- only.

Entertainment news

1. Dhoom-19 ready for release.

2. Karan johar’s “Kabhie apne Kabhie paraaye” running well in A-grade theatres.

3. Salman Khan, Vivek Oberoi, Abhishek Bacchan attend Aishwarya’s 6th wedding.

4. KBC-beesvi starts with Abhishek Bacchan as the host

5. Star plus starts its new serial “Kyunki bahu bhi kabhi saans banegi”.

Sports news

1. I’ll play the coming world cup - Sachin 

2. Sachin should now think of retiring gracefully – Sourav

3. Sachin still has 2-3 years of game left in him – Sunil Gavaskar

4. We’ve a good team, we’ll win the 2031 WC – Coach Dravid

Regional news

1. Inkoka 1 year lo Telangana otchudo nenu chatchudo – KCR

2. Acting maa raktham lo undhi – Jr Chiranjeevi

John and David were both patients in a Mental hospital.

One day, John suddenly dived into the deep end of the swimming pool.
David jumped in and saved him, and the medical director came to know of his heroic act..
He immediately order David to be discharged from the Mental Hospital as he is OK.

Doctor: We have good news and bad news for you, David.
The good news is that we are going to discharge you because you have regained your senses, since you are able to jump in and save another patient you are now a normal person.
The bad news is that, the patient Mr. John, whom you have saved, hung himself in the toilet, and died.

David: Doctor, he didn’t hang himself. I hung him there to dry !