CluELeSs & Co

The much awaited Card

Nandan Nilekani’s dream – how the national ID card will work ………

Operator : “Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your…”

Customer: “Heloo, can I order..”

Operator : “Can I have your multi purpose ID card number first, Sir?”

Customer: “It’s he…, hold…….. ..on….. .889861356102049 998-45-54610″

Operator : “OK… You’re… Mr Singh and you’re calling from 17 Jal Vayu…..Your home number is 2×26xxxx, your office 250xxxxx and your mobile is 09xxxxxxxx. Which number are you calling from now Sir?”

Customer: “Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : “We are connected to the system Sir”

Customer: “May I order your Seafood Pizza…”

Operator : “That’s not a good idea Sir”

Customer: “How come?”

Operator : “According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir”

Customer: “What?… What do you recommend then?”

Operator : “Try our Low Fat Pizza. You’ll like it”

Customer: “How do you know for sure?”

Operator : “You borrowed a book entitled “Popular Dishes” from the National Library last week Sir”

Customer: “OK I give up… Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?”

Operator : “That should be enough for your family of 05, Sir. The total is Rs 500.00″

Customer: “Can I pay by! Credit card?”

Operator : “I’m afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank Rs 23,000.75 since October last year. That’s not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir..”

Customer: “I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives”

Operator : “You can’t Sir. Based on the records, you’ve reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today”

Customer: “Never mind just send the pizzas, I’ll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?”

Operator : “About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can’t wait you can always come and collect it on your Nano Car…”

Customer: “What!”

Operator : “According to the details in system ,you own a Nano car,…registration number GZ-05-AB-1107. .”

Customer: ” ?”

Operator : “Is there anything else Sir?”

Customer: “Nothing… By the way… Aren’t you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?”

Operator : “We normally would Sir, but based on your records you’re also diabetic…. … ”

Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^

Operator : “Better watch your language Sir.. Remember on 15th July 2010 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman…?”

Customer: Faints….

Subject: Onions

Very interesting…

A very Important Subject..especially for those who love to cook and
eat ONIONS!!!

In 1919 the flu killed 40 million people.
There was a doctor who visited many farmers to see if he could help
them combat the flu. Many of the farmers and their families had
contracted it and many died.
The doctor came upon this one farmer and to his surprise, everyone was
very healthy. When the doctor asked what the farmer was doing that
was different, the wife replied that she had placed an unpeeled onion
in a dish in the rooms of the home, (probably only two rooms back
then). The doctor couldn’t believe it and asked if he could have one
of the onions and place it under the microscope. She gave him one
and when he did this, he did find the flu virus in the onion. It
obviously absorbed the bacteria; therefore, keeping the family
healthy.
Now, I heard this story from my hairdresser in AZ. She said that
several years ago many of her employees were coming down with the flu
and so were many of her customers. The next year she placed several
bowls with onions around in her shop. To her surprise, none of her
staff got sick. It must work…(and no, she is not in the onion
business).
The moral of the story is, buy some onions and place them in bowls
around your home. If you work at a desk, place one or two in your
office or under your desk or even on top somewhere. Try it and see
what happens. We did it last year and we never got the flu.
If this helps you and your loved ones from getting sick, all the
better. If you do get the flu, it just might be a mild case..
Whatever, what have you to lose? Just a few bucks on onions!!!
Now there is a P. S. to this for I sent it to a friend in Oregon who
regularly contributes material to me on health issues. She replied
with this most interesting experience about onions:
Weldon, thanks for the reminder. I don’t know about the farmers
story…but, I do know that I contacted pneumonia and needless to say
I was very ill. I came across an article that said to cut both ends
off an onion, poke one end with a fork and then place the forked end
into an empty jar…placing the jar next to the sick patient at night.
It is said that the onion would be black in the morning from the
germs…sure enough it happened just like that…the onion was a mess
and I began to feel better.
Another thing I read in the article was that onions and garlic placed
around the room saved many from the black plague years ago. They have
powerful antibacterial, antiseptic properties.
This is the other note.
LEFT OVER ONIONS ARE POISONOUS
I have used an onion which has been left in the fridge, and sometimes
I don’t use a whole one at one time, so save the other half for later.
Now with this info, I have changed my mind….will buy smaller onions
in the future.
I had the wonderful privilege of touring Mullins Food Products, Makers
of mayonnaise. Mullins is huge, and is owned by 11 brothers and
sisters in the Mullins family. My friend, Jeanne, is the CEO.
Questions about food poisoning came up, and I wanted to share what I
learned from a chemist.
The guy who gave us our tour is named Ed. He’s one of the brothers Ed
is a chemistry expert and is involved in developing most of the sauce
formula.. He’s even developed sauce formula for McDonald’s.
Keep in mind that Ed is a food chemistry whiz. During the tour,
someone asked if we really needed to worry about mayonnaise. People
are always worried that mayonnaise will spoil. Ed’s answer will
surprise you. Ed said that all commercially- made Mayo is completely
safe.
“It doesn’t even have to be refrigerated. No harm in refrigerating it,
but it’s not really necessary.” He explained that the pH in mayonnaise
is set at a point that bacteria could not survive in that environment.
He then talked about the quaint essential picnic, with the bowl of
potato salad sitting on the table and how everyone blames the
mayonnaise when someone gets sick.
Ed says that when food poisoning is reported, the first thing the
officials look for is when the ‘victim’ last ate ONIONS and where
those onions came from (in the potato salad?). Ed says it’s not the
mayonnaise (as long as it’s not homemade Mayo) that spoils in the
outdoors. It’s probably the onions, and if not the onions, it’s the
POTATOES.
He explained, onions are a huge magnet for bacteria, especially
uncooked onions. You should never plan to keep a portion of a sliced
onion.. He says it’s not even safe if you put it in a zip-lock bag and
put it in your refrigerator.
It’s already contaminated enough just by being cut open and out for a
bit, that it can be a danger to you (and doubly watch out for those
onions you put in your hotdogs at the baseball park!)
Ed says, if you take the leftover onion and cook it like crazy you’ll
probably be okay, but if you slice that leftover onion and put on your
sandwich, you’re asking for trouble. Both the onions and the moist
potato in a potato salad, will attract and grow bacteria faster than
any commercial mayonnaise will even begin to break down.
So, how’s that for news? Take it for what you will. I (the author) am
going to be very careful about my onions from now on. For some reason,
I see a lot of credibility coming from a chemist and a company that
produces millions of pounds of mayonnaise every year.’
Also, dogs should never eat onions. Their stomachs cannot metabolize
onions Please remember it is dangerous to cut onions and try to cook
them the next day. It becomes highly poisonous for even a single night
and creates Toxic bacteria which may cause Adverse Stomach infections
because of excess Bile secretions and even Food poisoning.
Please pass it on to all you love and care.

We all think eating fruits means just buying fruits, cutting it and just popping it into our mouths. It’s not as easy as you think. It’s important to know how and when to eat.

What is the correct way of eating fruits?

IT MEANS NOT EATING FRUITS AFTER YOUR MEALS! * FRUITS SHOULD BE EATEN ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.

If you eat fruit like that, it will play a major role to detoxify your system, supplying you with a great deal of energy for weight loss and other life activities.

FRUIT IS THE MOST IMPORTANT FOOD. Let’s say you eat two slices of bread and then a slice of fruit. The slice of fruit is ready to go straight through the stomach into the intestines, but it is prevented from doing so.

In the meantime the whole meal rots and ferments and turns to acid. The minute the fruit comes into contact with the food in the stomach and digestive juices, the entire mass of food begins to spoil….

So please eat your fruits on an empty stomach or before your meals! You have heard people complaining — every time I eat watermelon I burp, when I eat durian my stomach bloats up, when I eat a banana I feel like running to the toilet, etc — actually all this will not arise if you eat the fruit on an empty stomach. The fruit mixes with the putrefying other food and produces gas and hence you will bloat!

Graying hair, balding, nervous outburst, and dark circles under the eyes all these will NOT happen if you take fruits on an empty stomach.

There is no such thing as some fruits, like orange and lemon are acidic, because all fruits become alkaline in our body, according to Dr. Herbert Shelton who did research on this matter. If you have mastered the correct way of eating fruits, you have the Secret of beauty, longevity, health, energy, happiness and normal weight.

When you need to drink fruit juice – drink only fresh fruit juice, NOT from the cans. Don’t even drink juice that has been heated up. Don’t eat cooked fruits because you don’t get the nutrients at all. You only get to taste. Cooking destroys all the vitamins.

But eating a whole fruit is better than drinking the juice. If you should drink the juice, drink it mouthful by mouthful slowly, because you must let it mix with your saliva before swallowing it. You can go on a 3-day fruit fast to cleanse your body. Just eat fruits and drink fruit juice throughout the 3 days and you will be surprised when your friends tell you how radiant you look!

KIWI: Tiny but mighty. This is a good source of potassium, magnesium, vitamin E & fiber. Its vitamin C content is twice that of an orange.

APPLE: An apple a day keeps the doctor away? Although an apple has a low vitamin C content, it has antioxidants & flavonoids which enhances the activity of vitamin C thereby helping to lower the risks of colon cancer, heart attack & stroke.

STRAWBERRY: Protective Fruit. Strawberries have the highest total antioxidant power among major fruits & protect the body from cancer-causing, blood vessel-clogging free radicals.

ORANGE : Sweetest medicine. Taking 2-4 oranges a day may help keep colds away, lower cholesterol, prevent & dissolve kidney stones as well as lessens the risk of colon cancer.

WATERMELON: Coolest thirst quencher. Composed of 92% water, it is also packed with a giant dose of glutathione, which helps boost our immune system. They are also a key source of lycopene — the cancer fighting oxidant. Other nutrients found in watermelon are vitamin C & Potassium.

GUAVA & PAPAYA: Top awards for vitamin C. They are the clear winners for their high vitamin C content.. Guava is also rich in fiber, which helps prevent constipation. Papaya is rich in carotene; this is good for your eyes.

Drinking Cold water after a meal = Cancer! Can u believe this?? For those who like to drink cold water, this article is applicable to you. It is nice to have a cup of cold drink after a meal. However, the cold water will solidify the oily stuff that you have just consumed. It will slow down the digestion… Once this ’sludge’ reacts with the acid, it will break down and be absorbed by the intestine faster than the solid food. It will line the intestine. Very soon, this will turn into fats and lead to cancer. It is best to drink hot soup or warm water after a meal.

A serious note about heart attacks HEART ATTACK PROCEDURE’: (THIS IS NOT A JOKE!) Women should know that not every heart attack symptom is going to be the left arm hurting. Be aware of intense pain in the jaw line. You may never have the first chest pain during the course of a heart attack. Nausea and intense sweating are also common symptoms. Sixty percent of people who have a heart attack while they are asleep do not wake up. Pain in the jaw can wake you from a sound sleep. Let’s be careful and be aware. The more we know the better chance we could survive.

1. Human birth control pill work on Gorillas.

2. The right lung takes in more air than the left.

3. it is illegal to own a red car in Shanghai, China.

4. A hard-boiled egg will spin. An uncooked or soft-boiled egg will not.

5. Astronauts cannot burp in space.

6. The snowiest city in the U.S.A. is Blue Canyon, California

7. Lake Nicaragua in Nicaragua is the only fresh water lake in the world that has Sharks.

8. Kite flying is a professional sport in Thailand.

9. The great warrior Genghis Khan died in bed while having sex.

10. No matter how cold it gets, gasoline will not freeze.

A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. Said he: “The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn’t my wife!”

The audience was in silence and shock.

The speaker added: “And that woman was my mother!”

Laughter and applause……..

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink.

He said loudly, “The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!”

The wife went mad with shock and rage.

Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke,

The manager finally blurted out “……. and I can’t remember who she was!”

Moral of the story:  Don’t copy if you can’t paste!